Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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