Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
