Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
