you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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