Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
