Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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