HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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