I got her a Nickelback box set.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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