im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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