Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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