remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
