omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
