Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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