Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize