OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
