He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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