i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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