So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i came on her dog
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
