Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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