So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
