I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
