Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
