That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
