You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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