What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
