Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize