it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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