Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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