dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your penis caused this!
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