ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize