The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
