Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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