rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
