I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
