Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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