And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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