I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
