Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
