Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
