my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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