i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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