"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
