She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He passed out mid-signature
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
