SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
