My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
