you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
