he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
