I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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