Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
