I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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