yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
