Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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