Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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