everyone is single if you try hard enough
of course. lets lasso hookers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
