I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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