I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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