it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
