Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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